Which Of The Following Best Exemplifies Appropriate Learned Optimism?

Every bit therapists, counselors, social workers, and other members of helping professions, how can we best assistance our clients help themselves?

As parents, teachers, coaches, and mentors, how can we encourage our children to grow into healthy and happy people with a positive sense of cocky-worth?

These are the questions that take driven countless studies and investigations into personality development, the effectiveness of therapeutic techniques, and the crafting of impactful parenting strategies. While there is undoubtedly even so much to be discovered, psychologists have been able to define at least one vital technique for helping our clients and our children be the best versions of themselves: unconditional positive regard.

This attitude is a powerful one—information technology can have a huge impact on how our clients and children experience about themselves and others, and fix them up for success. Read on to learn about what unconditional positive regard is, how information technology works, and what it tin can exercise for your clients and your children.

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What is Unconditional Positive Regard? A Definition

So, what is unconditional positive regard?

A general definition is the attitude of complete acceptance and beloved, whether for yourself or for someone else. When y'all have unconditional positive regard for someone, nothing they can practice could give y'all a reason to cease seeing them as inherently human being and inherently lovable. It does not mean that yous accept each and every action taken past the person, but that you accept who they are at a level much deeper than surface beliefs (Rogers, 1951).

In therapy, the thought is much the same, although with a more than specific purpose: to build a positive, trusting human relationship betwixt the therapist and the client. It is a defining feature of customer-centered therapy (and an important characteristic in many other forms of therapy), in which the customer is accepted and supported by the therapist no matter what they say or practise (Rogers, 2001).

The Psychology Behind Unconditional Positive Regard

"The kind of caring that the client-centered therapist desires to achieve is a gullible caring, in which clients are accustomed as they say they are, not with a lurking suspicion in the therapist's listen that they may, in fact, be otherwise. This attitude is not stupidity on the therapist's part; it is the kind of mental attitude that is most likely to lead to trust…"

Carl R. Rogers

Unconditional positive regard is not virtually liking a client or accepting everything they take washed; information technology's about respecting the client equally a human being with his or her own complimentary will and operating nether the supposition that he or she is doing the best they tin can.

Having this attitude toward a client tin can encourage them to share their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors more openly with the therapist.

A client who is afraid the therapist volition be shocked, offended, or judgmental volition probable not be very forthcoming with any information that they feel may be perceived as negative or unacceptable. Of form, this withholding of important data can have a very negative impact on the therapeutic relationship and, in plough, on any healing or recovery that the client is looking to proceeds from therapy.

It has been suggested that unconditional positive regard from the therapist may be a substitute for the unconditional positive regard that the client did not receive from their parents or other of import adults in their childhood. Carl Rogers believed that those who do non receive such regard from their parents at a young age are more likely to have low self-worth and less likely to reach their full potential with regards to personal development (Rogers, 1959).

A therapist'south unconditional positive regard may provide the customer with the acceptance and beloved they did not receive as a child, allowing them to feel safe, open up upwards, and work through their problems with a sort of "proxy" parent (Wilkins, 2000).

Carl Rogers' Theory

"To be with another in this [empathic] way means that for the time being, you lay aside your own views and values in order to enter another's globe without prejudice. In some sense information technology means that you lay aside your self; this can only be done past persons who are secure plenty in themselves that they know they will not get lost in what may turn out to exist the foreign or bizarre world of the other, and that they tin can comfortably return to their own world when they wish. Perhaps this description makes clear that being empathic is a complex, demanding, and strong—yet subtle and gentle—way of existence."

Carl R. Rogers

Carl Rogers described unconditional positive regard as:

"…caring for the client, but not in a possessive way or in such a style every bit simply to satisfy the therapist's own needs… It means caring for the client as a split up person, with permission to have his own feelings, his own experiences"

(Rogers, 1957).

We know what unconditional positive regard is, but y'all may be wondering how is this supposed to contribute to an constructive therapeutic experience. Carl Rogers has an answer, and it's based in what he saw as innate human needs and instincts.

Rogers believed that we all have two instinctual urges and desires that brand unconditional positive regard an effective tool of therapy:

The drive towards socially constructive behavior, or interacting finer and positively with others.
The need for self-determination, or the right and responsibility to choose i's ain path (Joseph & Murphy, 2013).

Rogers posited that when a therapist respects the customer's need for self-determination and adopts the attitude that the client is doing the best they can with the tools and resources they have bachelor, the client is more likely to allow their urge towards socially constructive behavior to drive their decisions and their actions.

Examples of Unconditional Positive Regard in Counseling

One of the all-time representations of unconditional positive regard in therapy sessions is a scenario in which the client shares thoughts, feelings, or behaviors with the therapist that are considered morally wrong or but unacceptable.

In this case, the therapist can display unconditional acceptance by asking the customer nigh their feelings and what they believe collection the thought or beliefs rather than focusing on how the client'due south actions would hurt someone else or on the illegality or immorality of the action.

For some other example, therapists take the opportunity to display unconditional positive regard when a customer shares a habit or behavior with the therapist that is self-detrimental or self-harmful, such as abusing drugs or booze, cutting, or binge-eating. Instead of chiding the client for this behavior or ignoring its potential to damage, the therapist might help the client realize that the beliefs is harmful while simultaneously assuring the client that she is worthy of love and self-care and that she deserves to have a salubrious and happy life.

Finally, unconditional positive regard tin can exist seen in the therapist's modeling of acceptance to the customer. The unconditionally accepting therapist will show the customer that he is all the same accepted and valued, even when he makes mistakes. The therapist's positive regard works as a model for the customer's acceptance of himself, giving him the bulletin that if the therapist tin can accept him no affair what he does, he can also accept himself exactly every bit he is.

Using Unconditional Positive Regard in Social Work

Unsurprisingly, this concept can be practical in many areas exterior of therapy. For instance, it tin can accept a positive impact on a social worker'southward efforts.

It works in much the same mode every bit it does in therapy, as social work shares many characteristics with therapy and counseling. However, social workers ofttimes collaborate with more than people and in contexts with broader, more than relational-based issues, such as families, couples who are struggling, and other human relationship problems.

Social workers will often work with clients who are at a low betoken in their lives. Frequently, clients volition have a strikingly negative view of themselves (and/or others). Even more than frequently, clients will hail from remarkably different cultures, childhoods, and experiences than the social worker. This various mix of clients makes unconditional positive regard an essential feature of social work.

Social workers will improve their ability to chronicle with their clients and enhance their ability to help them when they comprehend unconditional positive regard and acceptance. Instead of imposing their own views, values, and beliefs on their clients using unconditional positive regard will guide them towards "meeting the client where they are" and encouraging them to follow a path that is consistent with their own views, values, and beliefs.

Just similar the therapist, the social worker does not need to have and approve of every behavior the client displays; instead, he or she should focus on accepting that the customer is a self-directed individual with free will and their own unique wants and needs. A social worker who accepts this about their clients volition observe that their clients are more open up to word and more apt to accept themselves as they are, believe that positive change is possible, and commit to making such changes.

Parenting with Unconditional Positive Regard (+ Techniques)

"What we've always said is that every child here is going to be treated with unconditional positive regard considering they deserve it every bit every child does. Information technology'due south all about making healthy, caring attachments for these boys… It's about learning to develop a human relationship, something many of them accept never washed before."

Dan Gallagher

"The best way to raise positive children in a negative earth is to have positive parents who love them unconditionally and serve as splendid part models."

Zig Ziglar

Similar to the unconditional positive regard used in therapy and social piece of work, parenting with unconditional positive regard does not mean that you lot accept and approve of everything your child does. Information technology is not an attitude intended to give the child costless reign to behave in any dangerous or unhealthy means they would like; rather, it is an attitude that allows the kid to feel loved and accepted and facilitates the development of self-worth and self-confidence (Rogers, 1946).

According to Carl Rogers (1951), showing unconditional positive regard for your children helps them come across two essential needs: experiencing positive regard from others and a positive sense of cocky-worth. Accepting and loving your child for who she is, means non withdrawing or limiting your dearest and acceptance when she does something yous do non corroborate of; this is conditional positive regard, in which you give your child the message that she is only loved and accepted when she does the "right" things.

Given this conditional acceptance, she may grow up to brand all the "correct" choices, but her self-worth and self-esteem may never develop to their fullest potential.

When you lot prefer an unconditional positive attitude toward your child, yous allow him to exist gratis to try new things, make mistakes, and exist spontaneous. He will undoubtedly brand some decisions that lead to negative consequences, but simply those who are complimentary to craft their own path and learn from honestly-fabricated mistakes will be likely to develop a good for you sense of self-worth and accomplish self-appearing (the highest level of development according to humanist psychologists like Rogers; Maslow, 1943).

At present that you know why you should consider applying unconditional positive regard to the raising of your child, you might want to know how yous can utilise it. The four techniques listed beneath tin help get you started.

Modify Your Words

Unsurprisingly, one of the best ways to evidence your kid unconditional positive regard is with your words. It can be difficult to be unconditionally positive and accepting when your child has displeased or disappointed you, merely this is when it is most important!

You might be tempted to scold your child for the behavior. While this is not necessarily harmful, you lot should brand sure that you atmosphere any criticism with assurances that their behavior has not inverse your feelings about them.

For example, instead of saying, "Your behavior was embarrassing and unacceptable," you lot might say "I love you and e'er volition, but I am disappointed by your actions."

It'south a uncomplicated change in theory—although it can be more difficult to actually implement—but it can have a huge touch on on how your child sees herself and the development of her self-worth.

Focus on Feelings

When your child comes to you with an admission (or is defenseless in bad behavior), this is an first-class opportunity to practice unconditional positive regard.

The default response might be to go upset, to chastise him for what he has washed wrong, and discipline or correct him.

While subject field and correction are not necessarily harmful, getting upset and chastising him will probable non get you the outcome you desire: a child who weighs their options makes thoughtful decisions and maintains a positive sense of self-worth.

Instead of giving in to the urge to scold or focus on what they did wrong, effort focusing on their feelings instead. This is particularly impactful if your child came to you with an admission of guilt or a asking for advice. Inquire him how he feels about his actions and try to guide him towards making better decisions for his own reasons instead of for your reasons.

Cultivate Your Ain Mental attitude of Unconditional Positive Regard

To cultivate an mental attitude of unconditional positive regard for your child, try reminding yourself of some simple truths. You can repeat these sayings as a twist on the usual self-focus of mantras or affirmations:

"My child'due south worth is non-negotiable and does non need to exist earned."
"I corroborate of my child without condition, although I may not approve of all the choices my child makes."
"I give my child permission to make mistakes and I believe in his/her power to learn from them."
"I believe in my child's power to go who they are meant to exist."
"I am here to help, understand, and provide guidelines—not to criticize." (McMahon, 2013)

Unconditional Positive Regard for Teachers

On this page, the Public Broadcast System offers some guidance for teachers (although it applies to parents equally well) on how to implement unconditional positive regard and encourage the development of a child's self-worth and self-esteem. According to PBS, the main factors include:

Giving the child honest recognition for their success and achievement.
Offer specific (as opposed to overly full general) praise for their expert decisions and actions.
Respecting the child past offering them choices, abiding by their decisions, and explaining the reasoning behind our ain decisions.
Aid them accomplish competence by encouraging them to be contained and offer diverse opportunities to be challenged and to be successful.

Books by Carl Rogers on Using Unconditional Positive Regard

Luckily, Carl Rogers was non just a groundbreaking thinker and psychologist, just too a prolific author! If you want to learn more about unconditional positive regard directly from the source, you don't have to dig besides deep into academic journals. The books below were written by Rogers and draw his views on therapy, personal development, and the powerful employ of unconditional positive regard.

These books include:

Customer-Centered Therapy: Its Current Practice, Implications, and Theory past Carl R. Rogers (Amazon)
Significant Aspects of Customer-Centered Therapy (Psychology Classics Book ii) by Carl R. Rogers and David Webb (Amazon)
Counseling and Psychotherapy by Carl R. Rogers (Amazon)
A Way of Existence by Carl R. Rogers (Amazon)
On Becoming a Person: A Therapist'due south View of Psychotherapy by Carl R. Rogers and Peter D. Kramer (Amazon)
Carl Rogers On Personal Ability: Inner Strength and Its Revolutionary Affect by Carl R. Rogers (Amazon)
Active Listening by Carl R. Rogers and Richard Evans Farson (Amazon)

If you lot're such a voracious reader that these only won't cut information technology in your quest to acquire nigh unconditional positive regard, here are a few bonus books on the subject by other authors:

Interdisciplinary Applications of the Person-Centered Approach by Jeffrey H. D. Cornelius-White, Renate Motschnig-Pitrik, and Michael Lux (Amazon)
Unconditional Positive Regard (Rogers Therapeutic Weather Evolution Theory & Exercise) by Jerold Bozarth and Paul Wilkins (Amazon)
The Carl Rogers Reader by Carl R. Rogers, edited past Howard Kirschenbaum and Valerie Land Henderson (Amazon)

9 Quotes on Unconditional Positive Regard

Clearly, unconditional positive regard is a vital concept, not only in therapy only also in other helping professions and in parenting. If you need a little reminder to cultivate an mental attitude of unconditional positive regard or motivation and inspiration to embrace such an attitude, refer back to these quotes:

"I'm not perfect… just I'grand enough."

Carl R. Rogers

"The greatest gift that you tin give to others is the souvenir of unconditional love and acceptance."

Brian Tracy

"In my early professional person years I was request the question: How tin I treat, cure, or change this person? Now I would rephrase the question in this way: How can I provide a relationship which this person may utilize for his own personal growth?"

Carl R. Rogers

"One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving."

Paulo Coelho

"When a person realizes he has been deeply heard, his eyes moisten. I think in some existent sense he is weeping for joy. It is as though he were saying, 'Thank God, somebody heard me. Someone knows what information technology's like to be me.'"

Carl R. Rogers

"When the other person is hurting, confused, troubled, anxious, alienated, terrified; or when he or she is hundred-to-one of self-worth, uncertain as to identity, then understanding is called for. The gentle and sensitive companionship of an empathic opinion… provides illumination and healing. In such situations deep understanding is, I believe, the well-nigh precious gift one tin requite to some other."

Carl R. Rogers

"I don't want you to salvage me. I want you to stand by my side as I save myself."

Sushil Singh

"People are just as wonderful as sunsets if you let them be. When I look at a dusk, I don't find myself maxim, 'Soften the orange a fleck on the right mitt corner.' I don't try to command a sunset. I watch with awe every bit it unfolds."

Carl R. Rogers

"You don't need someone to complete you. You only need someone to take you completely."

Rapunzel from the motion-picture show Tangled

A Accept-Home Message

This slice divers unconditional positive regard, differentiated it from complete acceptance of any and all behaviors (a key truth to understand for any therapist or parent!), and described how it tin be implemented.

Equally always, I promise you lot learned something new from this piece, and I promise you walk away with a valuable new insight: that accepting yourself and others does not mean you relinquish the right to be concerned, the desire to improve, or the motivation to pursue positive change, simply that it is actually a vital factor in these processes.

As Carl Rogers said, "The curious paradox is that when I have myself just as I am, so I can change." Later learning about unconditional positive regard, we can now meet that this quote applies to others in improver to the cocky. When we take ourselves, we give ourselves permission to change. When nosotros accept others as they are, we give them permission to have themselves.

Personally, I feel this is a powerful thought. Information technology has given me renewed motivation to be accepting, kind, and compassionate towards others. When we see and take others for who they are, we cannot assistance but increase the understanding and warmth in the world. I would exist honored if you would join me in my delivery to evidence unconditional positive regard for anybody I meet.

I'm sure I will fail at times, but that's okay. Nosotros know that it is non perfection we should seek; instead, we should seek to spread acceptance, understanding, and love.

What are your thoughts on this technique? Do you think it is vital to successful relationships? If then, is it vital to all relationships or only to parent/child and helping professional person/client relationships? Let the states know in the comments section!

Thanks for reading!

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Maslow, A. H. (1943). A theory of human motivation. Psychological Review, 50(1), 370-396.
McMahon, B. (2013). Unconditional positive regard in parenting. Counseling for Adults, Families, and Children. Retrieved from http://world wide web.barbaramcmahon.org/blog/2013/02/16/Unconditional-Positive-Regard-in-Parenting.aspx
Rogers, C. R. (1946). Significant aspects of client-centered therapy. American Psychologist, 1(10), 415-422.
Rogers, C. (1951).Client-centered therapy: Its electric current do, implications and theory. London, Great britain: Lawman.
Rogers, C. R. (1957). The necessary and sufficient weather of therapeutic personality modify. Periodical of Consulting Psychology, 21, 95-103.
Rogers, C. R. (1959). Therapy, personality and interpersonal relationships. In S. Koch (Ed.), Psychology: A study of a science, formulations of the Person and the social context (Vol. iii, pp. 373-375). New York, NY: McGraw-Hill.
Rogers, C. R. (2001). Client-centered/person-centered approach to therapy. Voprosy Psikhologii, ii, 48-58.
Wilkins, P. (2000). Unconditional positive regard reconsidered.British Periodical of Guidance & Counselling,28(1), 23-36.